OK, this is a deep one. It has been on my mind a lot and I thought it was time to get it out.
When we are children, we are taught to help each other. We are asked to help our younger siblings to reach that toy, tie their shoes, color in the lines, ...the list is endless. It doesn't stop when we are children. In adolescence, we are taught to be an example for them. To show them that living this way or that is better. Older siblings daily lives are an example to their younger siblings. They are keenly aware that their actions effect the others around them. The younger ones are also compared to the others "why can't you be like..." or "just because he did it doesn't mean it is OK for you to". As a family we depend on each other, to help each other.
It is normal for one sibling to talk to the other and say "that is pronounced ___not ___" or "No, shoot it this way". It is almost expected from each child to look after each other and teach each other the "best" way to live. That is one of the purposes of a family.
This is not a bad thing. It helps us all be better than we could be alone. We are able to look around and model our lives after others'. When we make a mistake, our siblings are often there to help us through it and fix what is broken. All very good things.
At some point, we are expected to let go. We are expected to accept our siblings for who they are and their life choices. It is no longer our place to "judge" their actions as correct or incorrect. It is not longer our place to fix their "mistakes". It is now our place to say "I see what you are going through. I am here to help you if you want my help." or " I would not have done that action but that is your choice and I support you."
What point is this? Are we expected to let go at 18? at 30? when we get married? when we have kids? There is no written date. No wonder it is so hard for us to do. No wonder it is so hard for us to say "That is your life, your life choices, your career. Your choices are not mine and I support you."
We are raised to be fixers, helpers. We are not raised to sit back and watch. No wonder it is so hard for us to just accept our siblings for who they are and what they have chosen to do with their lives.
Many people have said "My friends accept me for who I am, why can't my family?" Is it possible that the family doesn't because they are used to fixing things. They are used to judging our actions as good or bad, fixable or not fixable, right or wrong? As friends, we are taught to accept each other. We don't judge our friends, we support them. We are there for them in their trials, it is how we are taught.
Is this what Dad meant when he said "your sister will be your best friend some day"? Do our parents want us to get to the point where we can let go of the "family help" and become friends that accept each other no matter what? Or is it something else entirely?
